I had a baby in Mexico, and therefore he is a Mexican citizen. The Mexican government says that any citizen leaving the country needs to have a passport. However, as a dual citizen, we technically did not need to get our baby’s Mexican passport before returning to the USA. We still chose to get our baby a Mexican passport in Puerto Vallarta.

So why did we do it?

Well, for one thing, I was under the impression that we needed it, and it was a fairly simple process. Go to the passport office, show your documents, and they print out a passport right then and there.

The second reason is that I had thought that once the child had a passport, getting subsequent passports would be much easier. IE we definitely need a fresh copy of the Acta de Nacimiento to get the first passport, but I thought that for renewals we wouldn’t need to present as much paperwork.

WRONG ON BOTH COUNTS.

The process for a Mexican passport in Puerto Vallarta should be this:

1. You make an appointment at the Secretaría de Relaciones Exteriores (SRE)
2. Prior to the appointment, you stop at any approved bank and make the federal payment for the passport.
3. Take good care of that receipt, because you’re not getting a passport without it.
4. Attend the appointment. During the appointment, head over to the Tesorería (treasury) and make the municipal payment for the passport.
5. They take the photo and print the passport and you can take it home with you at that appointment.

While we’re on the subject, here are the documents required to get a passport for a minor (and copies of everything, por supuesto!):

• Appointment confirmation
• Certified CURP of the minor
• Birth Certificate (no older than 6 months)
• Official Identification of parents
• Passport payment (bank receipt) and two copies
• Application (personal data sheet)
• Constancia Pediatria (essentially an affidavit from the pediatrician, with a photo of the minor)

This process was an actual nightmare, and I truly thought that we would have to abandon it without receiving a passport. It is by far the stupidest thing we did while in Mexico. Please join me on yet another excruciating journey through federal bureaucracy.

Day 0

We had a baby in Mexico! I never would have guessed that this would be the easy part.

Day 14

We can’t do anything until we get the Acta de Nacimiento, but in the meantime I am looking up what we need to get a Mexican passport in Puerto Vallarta. Do we need to have this in order to leave Mexico? The answer seems to be yes.

Well that’s fine, because it seems to be easy. Make an appointment, walk in with some documents, walk out with a passport. Way faster than the USA!

In order to get the Mexican passport, the baby needs to have a CURP (kind of like a social security number). How do we get that? Okay, that is assigned at the same time as the Acta de Nacimiento. Easy peasy.

Day 22

In what can only be described as a minor miracle, we got the Acta de Nacimiento today. Now that we have the Acta in hand, we can get an appointment set up for the Mexican passport in Puerto Vallarta. This kicks off the next phase of paperwork.

Day 26

I tried to schedule the appointment online, but the system wasn’t working for me. I later got it to work but there were no available appointments in this entire state. The other option was to call for an appointment. In any other situation, I can make my limited Spanish work. Phone calls are almost impossible, plus it turns out my ability to speak Spanish diminishes quickly as my stress levels rise. Simultaneous to this, we were trying to get a CRBA appointment, and that had me dialed up to 11. I scrambled for other options.

One of my new facebook amigas, a complete stranger who was kindly answering all my CRBA questions, now fielded a bunch of passport questions. She hooked me up with a local “fixer” who can get me an appointment at the SRE (the Mexican passport office) for 500 pesos. She gave me the whatsapp number and I sent a message.

Day 28

I’ve been messaging this woman, who purportedly runs an appointment service, asking a ton of questions about the passport process. Apparently the SRE is an extension office, and they don’t print passports, but it will only take about a week to receive the passport after approval. So that’s still not too bad. She tried to convince me to get an appointment in Tepic, the local “main” office. It is 4 hours away by car. Not happening.

By now we have our CRBA appointment scheduled, and we want to leave the country just a few days after that appointment, so it’s going to be a tight fit to get the Mexican passport unless we can get an appointment right away.

She says she needs some proof of our paperwork as well as payment before she will schedule the appointment. Seems reasonable. Over the next day or so I send her pics of our documents.

Day 30

Since I don’t have a Mexican bank account, she says I can pay via an Oxxo account. I’ve never done this before, but there are a hundred things I’ve never done before here in Mexico, and I’ve muddled my way through every single one of them.

It turns out to be super easy, I walk into the Oxxo (a convenience store with a branch on basically every corner in Mexico), and tell them which account I want to send payment to. I can only pay via cash, not credit card. So…untraceable. Nice.

Day 33

I had to make an appointment with the pediatrician to get the constancia pediatria. That appointment was today. I sat in the waiting room for half an hour, but then once I got in his office it was pretty much print the document, glue on the photo I brought, and stamp the document across the photo.

Oh wait no. It can’t be that easy.

I brought the “wrong kind” of photo (the kind you’d print at Walmart), and his ink does not stick to the photo at all. So now I have two more errands: find a place to print studio quality photos, and then go back to the pediatrician for a new constancia.

Day 34

I have not heard from our fixer since I sent her the fee. I sent her a Whatsapp message and got no reply.

So…ya girl took the money and ghosted us. Sounds about right.

At this point I’ve had some facebook contacts tell me that the Mexican passport is not needed to go back to the USA, so I’m less stressed about this, which is nice because it’s looking like it’s not going to happen.

Day 35

Just kidding, just kidding, I messaged her again today and she has an appointment for us next week. Excellent, that is plenty of time before the CRBA and our subsequent departure back to the USA. For reference, our appointment is scheduled for Day 39, the CRBA appointment is on Day 56 and our flights back to the US are for Day 64.

She sends me a few graphics to say what to bring and what to do. One of them says “Tell them that you made your appointment via phone call and NOT with a fixer. They get upset.” Love everything about this.

I sent her one final question, she replied, and I never heard from her again.

Naturally, all this happened on a Friday, and our appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, which only gives me Monday to get to a bank and make the federal payment for the passport.

Day 36

Today is Saturday. I have to stop at the photo studio and pick up photos, then stop at the pediatrician’s and get a new constancia. Fortunately, they are both in the same direction and within walking distance, so this is as efficient as it could possibly be.

Photos were ready for me when I arrived. I went to the doctor’s office and he immediately got the new constancia ready and didn’t even charge me. It was insanely hot out and I was sweaty mess by the time I got home, but I was speedwalking because Arrow hasn’t taken a bottle yet and I have a small window of time before he gets hungry again.

Day 38

As of right now, we have all the paperwork except the bank receipt for the federal passport payment. Today I need to figure out how to make that payment and get my receipt.

I first had to stop at a papelería and print out the passport payment form. Then I walked to the nearest bank and had to take a number. They had TV screens showing which numbers were about to be called, and I waited and waited but my number never showed up on the screen. I asked a staff member about it twice and she told me everything was okay. I was there for about 40 minutes when they called my number. Payment was easy, I got my receipt, and now we’re good to go for tomorrow!

Except they would only take the payment in cash, and now we’re running low on pesos. I don’t dare show up at the appointment tomorrow without having some cash in hand, so Kyle had to run to an exchange this afternoon.

We are sleep deprived, struggling through nights with a newborn and a toddler, and I am so sick of errands I could cry. Every errand seems to turn into three stops lately.

Day 39

8:30am

We arrived at the municipal building – the same building that hosts the Registro Civil where we got the Mexican birth certificate – at 8:30 ahead of our 9:10am appointment. There was hardly any line, we made it right in to the SRE get our paperwork checked. The appointments don’t matter.

Right off the bat, there’s a problem. The constancia pediatria doesn’t have our middle names on it. They also wanted our marriage license, which we have along because after the Acta de Nacimiento, I literally brought everything I could. They also wanted our certified hospital birth form. We need this for the CRBA so hopefully they are just going to look at it and keep a copy. My passport, for some stupid reason, doesn’t have my middle name on it. That was a problem with the Acta de Nacimiento as well. They call their bosses in Tepic (the main passport office, Puerto Vallarta is a satellite office), but they need to wait for the boss to call back. We go kill half an hour wandering around.

I should note here that this guy speaks almost zero English and we are completely communicating through the google translate app on Kyle’s phone. The guy is being really nice about it too. I’m wearing the baby in a carrier and Kyle is struggling to participate whilst also keeping track of Atlas.

9:30am

A new problem has arisen: the Acta lists my maiden name. It needs to have my married name. Just go over to Registro Civil and get it changed! It will be easy!

I’d laugh, but I’m horrified that they might actually be serious. It will NOT be easy, I know that for a fact.

They say “no no, it’s fine. This guy will go with you and explain the problem and help you get it changed.”

We all go over. He heads back into the office with a copy of my passport and our Acta. Five or ten minutes later he comes out, doesn’t look at us, but heads right back to the passport office. I stay where I am, because I thought they’d be maybe bringing out a new Acta or something? And Kyle heads back to the passport office to find the guy. He can’t find the guy. Eventually I come back too.

10:00am

The friendly gatekeeper of the passport office doesn’t mention the Acta, but he does say that we need the constancia updated. I’ve been texting our pediatrician to let him know, and he says he’s attending a c-section but he’ll be in his office by 11. Okay. The manager of the passport office says she’ll give us until 12:30 to get back with the new constancia.

Thankfully I have our fancy photo studio photos along, so Kyle makes a quick trip to the pediatrician, where our doctor literally left a c-section to get us this new paper. I take both kids to the lactation room so I can feed one and keep an eye on the other one. It’s an amazing spot that has everything, including big comfy chairs, toddler toys, and filtered water to refill our water bottles.

11:30am

Kyle returns with our new constancia. We now have everything we need!

Ha ha, no. They won’t accept my passport because it doesn’t have my middle name. Okay, we had this problem at Registro Civil, and they accepted my driver’s license which has my full name. They take it, but the boss lady warns me that it is not a valid ID here and they can only accept passports. She goes to call el jefe in Tepic.

When she comes out, she tells me I owe her a thousand dollars. They NEVER accept this, but today they are accepting it. I believe her.

We head over to the treasury to pay the municipal fee for the passport. Now we have to wait for the photo and then we’re done!

1:00pm

Oh wait oh wait! No. We need to change the Acta. My name on it is wrong. It’s easy, just go over to Registro Civil and get it done! I try to argue. There’s no way they’re going to change the Acta. They make a phone call.

The manager of the Civil Registry comes over (I recognize all these ladies now, we’ve been here so many times). No one explains what happened or what is going on, but eventually she leaves and the Acta does not get changed.

Okay. Now we are all set. We are just waiting for the photo to be taken.

We wait, and we wait, and we wait. I need to feed Arrow but I can’t leave because what if they call his name? So I feed him right there in front of the 30 other people who are also waiting. I’m standing and feeding him. A woman offers me her chair and I decline, but later when a guy brings over another chair I sit down in sweet, sweet relief. People have been so nice to us today.

At one point, the friendly gatekeeper had come out and made a big announcement that I don’t understand. I asked someone if they could translate what he’d said. She asked me if I was here yesterday, and I was confused (how long have you guys been waiting!?), I told her I arrived this morning. She said the message was not for me.

Another guy from their group came over to talk to me, he said that their whole group had appointments for yesterday, but they arrived and the system was down so the passport office told everyone to come back today. Okay, so today must be extra hectic for everyone. Also, appointments don’t matter.

2:30pm

We get called in for the photo. The photo guy is not friendly. We need all four of us in there, even though Atlas has absolutely no patience left.

Arrow cannot hold his head up, so I have my hand wrapped in his blanket and I try to hold his head up for the photo. We try and try. I finally give up and tag Kyle in. They get a photo they call acceptable, but it looks like the photo guy might have texted the pic to Tepic to ask if it was okay. It did not look like a good photo to me. Then they need Kyle’s photo and all his fingerprints. Then my photo and all my fingerprints.

A woman working at the counter says she has our IDs and paperwork ready. She returns our passports and my drivers license. But…that’s it. They’re keeping all our other original documents. I ask about the certified hospital form, the CURP, all that – “Oh you can go get new ones at Registro Civil.”

Crap. We’re done. We’re DONE. We’re dying. It’s been a massively long day, Atlas is the only one that’s had any food, and we need a break.

We have to come back in “about 5 business days” to pick up the passport, so we decide to put off the Registro Civil errand until then.

I hailed a taxi and we headed home. We spent 7 hours at the municipal building, but we got it done.

Day 47

We tried calling the SRE yesterday but couldn’t get through to them, so today Kyle and Atlas took a trip to the SRE.

He texted me that there was a problem with my ID – they needed a copy of one of them, but the guy wasn’t sure which. He would call Tepic and know in an hour or two.

They told us this this would be ready. We’ve paid almost $200 already. And it’s not there.

While he waited, Kyle got a CURP. He tried to get a certified copy of the hospital birth form but they gave him an application to fill out and he didn’t have a pen (or the ability to translate all the fields).

Back at the passport office, the English-speaking boss lady had arrived and she explained that Tepic didn’t know the paperwork was okay, they looked at it and just sent it back. So everything is fine, she’ll send it back and let them know it’s good and we should pick up our passport in 4-6 days. So, clearly Tepic did not call to ask what was going on. Nor did the SRE tell them it was fine. Inspiring.

Day 52

We have no confidence in the SRE, so Kyle and Atlas took a trip back to the office today (Monday) to see if there were any more problems.

Tepic says we need a new constancia. This one has to have my full maiden name on it. Kyle said “they’re really hung up on your name.” Yeah, it’s been wrong on everything. He also stopped by Registro Civil to get a certified copy of the hospital birth form. He didn’t get it, he thought they said something like “you have to call then come back on Weds after 11.”

I immediately texted our pediatrician, who said he’d be in around noon. Kyle and Atlas came home, then Kyle went to meet the Dr. and head back to the municipal building with the new constancia. What a nightmare.

Now we wait to see what Tepic says. According to the boss lady, we are all good now. We have heard that before.

Our family is supposed to fly back to the USA on Day 64. We are quickly running out of time to get this passport before we leave.

Day 54

I am supposed to call Registro Civil today, based on Kyle’s info from Monday, which is sketchy at best.

I tried Registro Civil, and shockingly got through to an English speaker who knew exactly what was going on – they had the form ready, they were just waiting for the boss to arrive around noon to sign it.

Atlas normally naps from 12:30-3pm. Just after we put him down for a nap, we got a call from the SRE (What?! They were actually being helpful?!). They need us both to come and sign a paper, and we need to do it before 3pm. So now we need to wake Atlas up early and haul the whole family to the municipal building for another paperwork change.

We are irritated to have to cut this nap so short, but we want to leave immediately rather than risk missing this deadline. At the SRE, they showed us the document and had Kyle sign it three times. They made a big show of telling us that on the old document my name was Darcy [MiddleName] [Marriedname], but on this document it’s Darcy [Middlename] [MaidenName]. I signed it.

I tried to ask if we didn’t get our passport before we left the country, could we get our money back? We paid almost $100 for the federal fee, can we get a refund if we don’t get the passport?

“No no no, everything is fixed now, you’ll get the passport!!!”

We’ve heard this a dozen times. I know we’re not getting our money back no matter what, I’m just really grumpy.

On the way home, it hit me – I signed the document “Darcy [MarriedName].” Not Darcy [MaidenName], the name I haven’t used in ten years. I didn’t even think about it. Did I just cost us the passport? We don’t have time to fix any more problems. I doom-spiraled a bit. We’ve worked so hard for this and now my stupidity may ruin the whole thing (but I told myself it’s not my fault, it’s freaking Tepic changing the rules on us every time).

The nightmare continues.

Oh, on the plus side, we picked up the certified hospital birth form while we were there. A small success!

Day 55

We flew to Guadalajara to get the CRBA and US passport. We’ve been preparing for this bureaucratic visit for weeks and while it doesn’t go perfectly smoothly, we are successful. But since we’ve flown out of Puerto Vallarta, we cannot stop at the SRE and check for more problems.

Day 60

After putting Atlas down for a nap, Kyle headed to the SRE.

I was home with the babies and my phone chimed. Kyle had sent a photo. My heart stopped beating for a second.

I unlocked my phone to see a photo of a Mexican passport in Kyle’s hand. Only 4 days before we left the country. We actually did it!

Total Cost of a Mexican Passport in Puerto Vallarta: $249.24
“Fixer” who scheduled the appointment: $29.24
Constancia pediatria (original): $17.54
Studio photos: $5.85
Constancia pediatria (with updated photo): $0
Federal payment for a 3-year passport: $93.57
Constancia pediatria (with our middle names): $11.70
Municipal payment: $24.56
Constancia pediatria (with my maiden name): $0
12 uber/taxi rides: $66.78

This is truly it. We are flying home in four days. We’ve lived here for four months, and now it’s time to make the final mad dash to get rid of things, empty our fridge and cupboards, deep clean the apartment, and pack up a small mountain of baby gear to haul back to the USA.